I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
