i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
