I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
