I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
