There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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