I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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