you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
