she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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