i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize