I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize