community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
