Betty ford says i'm here all night
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
