3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I party with great urgency now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
