he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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