I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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