You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
