I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
