im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
