Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
