Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
