you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My bed smells like the plague
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
