I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
