READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
