I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
