No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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