Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize