i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize