just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
