giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
