wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
