chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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