Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize