The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Mom said you looked used
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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