Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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