I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
