just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize