I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
