I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize