Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
