I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize