I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
