i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
