sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
