I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
