Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
