I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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