No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
