Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize