wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
