Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize