now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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