My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
