we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
