He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
