I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
