come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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