I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
do herpes really smell.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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