She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
