I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
