It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I skipped work to stalk him.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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