just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
