I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This baby is an asshole
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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