TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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