Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
