You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
