I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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